On My Own
by Icy Peach
Summary: My first piece...sugary bubble of Tifa angst.


.On My Own.  
  
  
[sometimes i walk alone at night  
when everybody else is sleeping  
i think of him and then i'm happy  
with the company i'm keeping.]  
  
[the city goes to bed]  
  
[and i can live inside my head.]  
  
It could be in so many ways.  
  
[on my own, pretending he's beside me]  
  
She could be standing under the dim lamplight of one of Midgar's train stations, with tiny crystalline snowflakes dotting her hair, slender arms crossed over her chest as she waits for the midnight ride. Her lashes brush against her cheeks as she shivers. It's so cold without him.  
And then, just as she starts to think that her train will never pull up, one of his warm swordsman's hands graces the arc of her neck, and she turns, her mouth opening in a surprised oval.  
Here, his mouth always warms her.  
  
[all alone, i walk with him till morning]  
  
Or perhaps they're the last to leave the Gold Saucer, after a date. A real date. She's so shy, but his arm slides around her confidently, and she leans her head on his shoulder, strands of her dark hair falling over her blushing cheeks.  
  
[without him, i feel his arms around me]  
  
She's always wanted to dance with him, bury her face against the hard angles of his chest as the music wraps around them lazily. Maybe he would hold her as if she's made of porcelin, filling the spaces left by her body's own curves.  
  
[and when i lose my way i close my eyes]  
  
And now she's in trouble, the damsel in distress. Strong hands that aren't his wrench her from the sidewalk and into the shadows while she screams and screams. The villain throws about ugly words meant to cow her, his breath muggy and stinking on the back of her neck.  
  
[and he has found me]  
  
But as always, he's there before any permanent harm is done to her, the brilliance of his undeclared love banishing the shadowy monsters.  
When the danger has past, he cradles her, shaking with the fear of losing her.  
  
[in the rain, the pavement shines like silver  
all the lights are misty in the river  
in the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
and all I see is him and me  
forever and forever]  
  
There's no need for victory bells, just the quiet of her own breathing, matched with his, feather-light.  
When she runs her fingers over his lips, stark ivory over the vivid flesh, exactly which is real and which is dream gets confused.  
  
"Tifa."  
She frowns. He's never so solemn, unless…  
  
[and i know, it's only in my mind]  
  
Right.  
  
Tifa turned and smiled at him, her fingers still half-curled on the window pane. "I'm sorry, I must have drifted off again."  
  
[that i'm talking to myself and not to him]  
  
Cloud chuckled lightly at her expense. "It's alright." He cocked his head, the light catching in the fractured stained glass of his eyes, her own personal place of worship.  
"Where were you, just now?" His lips still contained a trace of warmth. "I don't mind you daydreaming, but we need to get going…."  
  
[and although I know that he is blind]  
  
'You'd never guess in a million years.'  
  
Tifa smiled mirthlessly at her reflection in the window. "Nowhere important. Just thinking about how things might be after this is done. Go ahead. I'll be out in a second."  
  
Her eyelids lowered to hide the wet sheen over her sight.  
  
[still I say there's a way for us]  
  
To her surprise, he placed his hand, surprisingly soft and warm, on the arc of her neck. "Okay. Just hurry. You know the world depends on us, right?" His joke struck a little to close to home to be funny.  
  
[i love him, but when the night is over]  
She watched as he turned and left, the pane of glass before her betraying only a faded image of herself when he had gone. Frowning at the girl whose cheeks were marred with a fire escape from across the street, she drew her arms about herself, chilled.  
  
[he is gone, the river's just a river]  
  
Tifa sighed, letting her head come to rest on the window.  
  
[without him, the world around me changes  
the trees are bare and everywhere  
the streets are full of strangers]  
  
Try as she might, the fantasies refused to play again before her half-closed eyes, and frustrated that the singular moment of peace had been marred, she pushed away from the window.  
  
[i love him, but every day i'm learning]  
  
Scooping up her glove from the floor, she shoved it on her hand, angry as usual at herself. 'Stupid dreams, they do you no good, but you just can't let them go.'  
  
[all my life, I've only been pretending]  
  
She drew her bare hand across her eyes angrily, and shoved past the door, coming to a halting stop as she nearly fell down the slick steps.  
A few yards away, Aeris preened over Cloud, touching his face and hands as she chattered.  
  
[without me, his world will go on turning]  
  
Frozen, she watched as the flower girl, who of course was as beautiful and innocent as always against the harsh city backdrop, blushed and giggled at something Cloud had said.  
As always, she bit back the childish urge to pout and push Aeris away from him, and hopped down the steps, her eyes lifting back to the pair just as Aeris kissed him on the cheek, still full of girlish glee.  
  
[a world that's full of happiness  
that i have never known]  
  
Her own lips tingled in the cold air as she wondered what Cloud's skin would feel like beneath them.   
And as a bitter disappointment crashed down around her shoulders, she tossed her hair back and kept walking forward.  
  
  
[i love him  
i love him  
i love him]  
  
"I'm ready to go," she said softly, well aware the greater part of her consciousness still stood back at the shop's window, safe in the cocoon of daydreams.  
Cloud glanced down at her, and for a moment, she thought that she saw realization dawning in his eyes as he looked at her, with her flushed cheeks and glazed eyes.  
"Tif, you aren't sick or anything, are you?"  
  
She sighed. It could be in so many ways.  
  
Not today, though.  
  
[but only on my own]  
  
  
:  
Ah, my first fanfic.  
Flee in terror, peaceful citizens.   
"On My Own" belongs to Les Miserables, and the never-ending triangle o' angst and fun belongs to Squaresoft.  
Comments, questions, complaints? 


End file.
